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4 Things to Buy on Black Friday/Cyber Monday Weekend

Nonsense Things

We recommend getting these gifts for a baseball fan you know rather than yourself. But do make sure that you tell everyone about them so that they can get their greasy hands on these deals, too. They’re going to be hard to find considering some of the locations you’re going to see below. They won’t be in the first place you would think to look – and probably not even the last. You may even need help (which isn’t embarrassing at all) so make sure you ask your friends where some of these stores are at. And, when you get to these great retailers, announce to the crowd what you are looking for and find the nearest employee and ask for the golden gifts we’re about to mention. Without further ado…

5 Baseball Gifts to Buy on Black Friday/Cyber Monday Weekend

A Bucket of Curveballs

You see them all the time but you’ve probably never thought to go grab some yourself. Most baseballs are made to fly nice and straight and follow gravity as you would expect. But curveballs are not. They bend when they are thrown and are often used by pitchers. Here’s a great example of a fan favorite from Clayton Kershaw:

Kershaw Curveball

As you can see, the ball arched out of Clayton’s hand because he used a curveball. Buying a bucket of these bad boys is a great idea for those of you who are pitchers that want to make batters swing and miss all the time. So, where do you get them? Just head down to your local Forever 21. They will be tucked away and hard to find (they’re a well-kept secret) but they’re right behind the pantyhose in the back corner of the store. Dig in, brother! If you can’t find them on your own, just ask an employee. They will definitely know what you are talking about and point you in the right direction.

A Bag of Frozen Ropes

Now that you’ve acquired some baseballs that make a nice arc out of your hand, why don’t you get some of the kind that fly straight, hard, and fast off of your bat? They can feel really great to hit during batting practice but work even better in a game once you have practiced with them enough. We found a great example of this year’s NL MVP, Giancarlo Stanton, using a frozen rope technique to hit a homer:

Stanton Frozen Rope

If they’re good enough for MVPs, why not get some yourself?! You can see how a frozen rope gives you a really good chance to hit a home run since they fly really straight and really hard. Like we said, a useful tool, especially for youngsters. Where can you pick one up yourself is surely what you are asking by now. It did take some digging for us to find where the frozen ropes were at but we did the hard work for you. Turns out they are at Build-A-Bear Workshops – but they aren’t keeping them out on display. If they did, everyone would be rushing the store and making a mess out of things, obviously. They are actually using a coupon system. All you have to do is dive headfirst into the stuffing machine, dig your coupon out, hand it to an employee, and he will come back from the stockroom with your very own bag of frozen ropes.

Spare Keys to the Batter’s Box

Here’s a gift for your head coach. You know he works really hard every day to get your team competing at its highest level so you’ve gotta give something back to the man. While a nice whistle with a note that says “Now you won’t have to yell at us as much!” might seem like a cheeky gift for him, some spare keys to the batter’s box is actually a present he might get some use out of.

Keys to the Batter's Box

Everyone loses things now and then but that’s okay. It’s actually really easy to lose the keys to the batter’s box because you never really see anyone using them. Coach only uses the keys twice a day to unlock and lock the batter’s box for practice so they are really easy to misplace. To get him some spares, head over to your local Victoria’s Secret. This may be the easiest gift to find on this list because you’ll just need to go straight to an employee and ask for a sizing. Tell them you think you are a quadruple FFFF cup and they will show you right to the batter’s box keys section. If that doesn’t work, just ask your assistant coach where they are.

A Lefty Fungo

Don’t forget about those left-handed swingers in your life. Since we’re talking about a fungo here, this is probably another gift for coach. Old men have to swing those lighter bats, you know. And just like how a guitar is strung to be played in one direction, a fungo is carved to be swung in one direction. Here’s a picture of a left-handed fungo just for reference:

Lefty Fungo

While it may look just like a right-handed fungo, we promise you that it isn’t. There are certain aspects of a lefty fungo that make it special. Just ask any left-handed swinging coach and he’ll tell you. For one thing, they are weighted differently so that a left-handed swinger can use them a little easier. And, what’s more, the grain of the bat is specifically chosen so that it won’t give you splinters if you swing it left-handed like a right-handed fungo would. If you want to get this one for coach, saunter on down to Hollister. Go to the northeast-most corner of a store. You’ll find a vaguely biracial looking picture of a 15 year old boy with no shirt on there. Push his belly button and a door will open to your right revealing a stack of lefty fungos. Grab one and proceed to the cash register, you bargain hunter, you.

Hope you’re not too full of turkey from Thanksgiving still, tubbo! You’ve got to fight the crowds this weekend at those Black Friday sales and get to these most important deals that we have found. Well, alternatively, if your body weight is still 50% pumpkin pie, you can just order these things online. But where’s the hilariousness in you realizing that I’m pranking you in that?

 


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