Welp, it looks like we’re headed to a Game 6. With the way this series has been going, it looks like we know exactly what to expect, right? The unexpected. It’s been absurd. Just plain ol’ absurd, guys. It’s like these clubs don’t even remember what a normal baseball game looks like.
That’s why we’re giving you a little shortlist of things that you can be on the lookout for in this, the sixth game of the World Series.
1. More metal bats.
Yeah, that’s right we said it. We think we’ve got it figured out as to why it looks like even my grandmother could hit a homer in this series. They’re using metal bats. And the kind filled with Superballs, too. I mean, that’s the only explanation for what can be going on with all this ridiculous offense, right?
But, Mr. Coach Dave Roberts Sir, I want to hit home runs like all my friends! - Chris Taylor
2. No hats.
I own stock in Trollz, the dolls. - Yuli Gurriel
Why? Because it’s preventing everyone from seeing the ball fly off the bat so fast. These guys are hitting moon balloons and they’re rifling off of their lumber so fast that you don’t even get to watch them fly because the hat bill gets in the way. So, don’t be surprised when Gurriel’s miserable haircut is flopping around first base free as a bird.
3. You know that giant glove at AT&T Park?
Yes, that one, idiot.
Yeah, turns out the MLB changed the rules so that the outfielders can use a glove up to that size for the rest of the series. The insane offense has been nothing short of mind blowing so why not have the outfield patrollers bat them down with giant wads of leather?
4. Correa outside of the dugout.
I don't like it in here. I'm underground. I might get buried. I'm so nervous. Is it showing that I'm nervous? - Carlos Correa
On this one, we’re actually serious because, clearly, Correa is allergic to something or someone in the Astros dugout. Every time the camera pans over to the dugout, there’s Correa standing on the warning track above the steps. Every. Single. Time. Camera hog. If you’re not up to bat and your team is on offense, you probably belong in the dugout, you silly goose!
5. Bad Sliders
This is a slider, Dodgers and Astros pitchers.
I don’t know what it is but this series has been marked by a serious lack of slider bite. I’m not sure I can even think of one strikeout on a slider in a right-on-right or left-on-left matchup in the whole series. (Exaggerating. I can think of all of them, nerds.) Maybe guys are just too amped and throwing through their grip or something but the best pitchers in the business have been consistently breaking the spin on their sliderballs. Normally, an unexpected thing, but this ain’t no normal baseball series, son.
6. Exhausted fans.
Hey, I've seen that picture before, lazy writer!
I don’t even know how these players aren’t wiped out. Watching Game 5, I couldn’t even get excited anymore. I was just too tired. So many lead changes and homers and big moments and aghhhhh. Way too much going on. Expect the unexpected here, too – a crowd that just needs a nap.
7. Joe West to call a good zone.
Accurate depiction of Joe West's zone.
Now THAT is unexpected. Let’s hope we can see him get back there once again so we can see him call an unbelievable zone compared to his usual zone which is shaped like the cross section of an asteroid.
8. Yeah, aliens.
Jordan could for sure hit a home run this series.
Maybe there is like a Space Jam thing going on here but you need a special set of goggles to see that it’s a gigantic, blue alien swinging the bat instead of Altuve. (That would at least explain his power.) Yeah, maybe Daffy Duck has been serving up all these meatballs all this time and we just weren’t privy to it. That’s a decent explanation.
9. A pitcher hitting a homer.
That’s just about the only home run related metric that hasn’t been trounced yet. I’d say we’re due for about...seventeen homers by pitchers this game just because why the hell not.
10. A 1 to 0 baseball game.
"TWO OF THE MOST PROLIFIC OFFENSES EVER!!!" *game ends 1-0*
Wouldn’t that be bizarre after all this nonsense? If I remember back to Game 1, a short game with few runs got played. That seems like a thousand years ago, don't it? But, since then…Well, we all know. That’s why I’m thinking they should just play a pitcher’s duel. Give the people that love a nice soccer score what they like. Pitchers dueling to the death. Hitters begging for hits. Yeah, yeah, that would be a nice change of pace.
I’m sure we’re missing a ton of viable other expectations for this game so let us know in the comments what you think! Here’s a bonus idea for today’s matchup: Bring Your Daughter to Work Day.